Life Sucks

Took a look at my blog the other day, realized I hadn’t posted anything since July. That wasn’t supposed to happen and that was certainly not the plan, but there it is, a nearly five month gap in blogging.

Hartline1That’s not to say I haven’t been writing – I’ve actually written loads – but the writing I was doing wasn’t in keeping with the theme of this particular blog. This blog has a mission statement and a purpose: to be about my efforts to become a rock star, specifically to lose weight and learn an instrument. Initially, the idea was being forced to write about what I was up to would help me stay on course with mission statement: lose the weight, learn the instrument; the secondary reason was if the blog was a success or my efforts bore fruit, the entries could be collected and turned into a book of some type.

The problem is my life is more complicated than I would like and far more complicated than I’m trying to make it. And since the blog’s mission statement was pretty narrow, what was going on didn’t fit the parameters of the blog’s intent. So when stuff went down in July, I didn’t write about it on Operation: Rock Star – I just put my head down and tried to get on with my life, looking for the right subject to write about. Then stuff went down in September… and then November… and then suddenly Christmas is only a couple of weeks away and I haven’t updated my blog since Summer.

One of the reasons for Operation: Rock Star’s narrow mission statement is I’m not allowed to discuss certain parts of my life. Not everybody is comfortable having their business discussed, especially those businesses that intersect with mine, so after landing in hot water more than once, I finally promised certain events from my past and, more importantly, certain people I know wouldn’t be discussed in an open forum.

Problem is, July is about those events and those people. And September touches on new events caused by those people. And parts of November are about dealing with other people dealing with the past events and those people. And now Christmas is about dealing with the new events and those people. And since my blog doesn’t deal with any of these events or any of those people, I have nearly half a year without content.

Hartline2Then there’s the stuff that is blog related I don’t know if I want to discuss in an open forum. Because I figure if you have something to say that might potentially hurt a friend, you should say it to your friend, to their face, in private. Airing out what’s got your knickers in a twist in a public forum is a quick way to hurt somebody, and that’s not what this blog is all about… more importantly, that’s not what I’m all about. Making the decision to hurt someone shouldn’t be made on a whim, and certainly shouldn’t be made lightly – the hurt should only come because at that point in the relationship the truth becomes more important than that person’s feelings, and only when that’s the case. And if you are going to hurt someone, do it in private, not in a blog.

So there it is. Got a ton of stuff I could be blogging about, except I don’t want to talk about it here because it isn’t in keeping with the spirit of the blog or it wouldn’t be appropriate to air it out on an open forum. Which leaves me with a big, gaping hole the size of five months in my blog… and it leaves me with a question:

With my life and my conscience getting in the way, do I continue this blog in the new year? Is the blog living up to its lofty intentions, or now is it just another responsibility I don’t have the time to pursue properly?

I don’t know. It’s one of the things I’ll be deciding while I contemplate the other problems swirly around in my head and how best to deal with them… since evidently, I haven’t been doing a very good job up until now. I can say I am taking steps to get my act back together: I started doing a daily writing exercise know as Morning Pages to help clear my mind of clutter; and I went back to counseling (my first appointment was last week). Hopefully, these two activities – along with getting back into a proper sleep pattern and eating right – will help me regain my mental equilibrium.

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One response to “Life Sucks

  1. You are a rock star!
    I think everything in your life will tie to your journey of loosing weight and learning an instrument. That dose not mean you should write it, as you have said. You don’t see the ties to it now, however I assure you on the other end you will see how the unnamed have influenced far more then you currently realize.

    I know why you started this blog but I want you to know you are a rock star. You are in good band that you care about and people like to watch you preform. YOU DID IT.

    Now as for keeping up the blog. Who told you you had to write every year, season, month, week, day or what ever. This is your journey as it happens not some story already lived that you just have to write down. Live your story and as you can fill us in, that is all we ask.

    but….. we do love reading what you write so how about you start a new blog and make up some stuff. 🙂

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